I have learned a great deal about myself within the last few days. I think it started at a CSF message. Kyle mentioned Zephaniah 3:17, I believe. Basically what got my attention was that God, yes God, rejoices over me (and you :]). Dude! I was mind blown, still am. I rejoice over Him. Why would He ever rejoice over me? In my own eyes I just don't see anything that special about me for Him to rejoice over.
It made me start to think that for many years I have had this underlying desire for someone (or people) to be proud of me. Reflecting on that, it is convicting that I have so desperately wanted this evil world's appreciation. Shame on me. My joy should not come from this world, even though it does from time to time. Jesus is my joy. He saved my life. He saves me daily.
I never viewed myself as having low self-confidence. I have good self-esteem. As I dig deeper into who I am, I am starting to realize that I am lacking confidence within myself. It might be a typical woman thing. To feel beautiful and wonderful to someone, is just about what any woman wants. The spectacular thing is that God made me beautiful, He made me wonderful. (Psalm 139:14) It might be something from past relationships- where I was ripped to shreds just because I wasn't everything they desired. I have been known to change who I think I am, just to make others happy. For whatever reason, I think it is the solution. However, it is oh so temporary. It might be that I have been emotionally torn up for other various reasons.
Satan is simply evil.
He is the one that makes me think I need someone to notice me. I don't. He makes me think that I need to please others. I only need to pleasing my Lord. He makes me think that I am terrible person. God thinks I am great.
I just don't know how to comprehend that.
My only trouble is that I don't know how to change this attitude of constantly needing someone to be proud of me. I overcame denial. Now what?
Who I am is currently be uncovered... one moment please.
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