Harboring Hatred

Sometimes I think we get really good at pretending we are okay or masking the need for  forgiveness.


I will be the first to admit that I suppress my emotions instead of dealing with them right away. In the end, the only person it is hurting is myself. I build up these deep, embedded feelings that I don't realize I have until another incident occurs. Then I realize how much pain I actually feel from everything in the past. 


I need to let go. I need to  forgive. Why must I  forgive ? So I can heal. Like I said, it is only hurting myself.


The thing that is cool I think, is that God completely understands my anger. No, it doesn't make it okay. But He understands. I think sometimes we have a hard time actually thinking we can relate to God. I know I do. I believe that my God is angry. (Isaiah 66:15-16; Hebrews 12:29) 


When He does tolerate evil it is because He sees that good can come from it. (see Genesis 50:20) 


He takes no pleasure when people are deemed to hell (Ezekiel 18:21). He is patient and merciful now, but there will be a judgement day- no one is getting away with anything. (Zephaniah 2:3) I think that will be a bittersweet day for Him. He will have to see some of His children depart from Him, yet He will get to rejoice with His new heavenly accompaniments. (Romans 11:22)


So, what am I to do right now?


Be merciful. Like my God is with me right this moment and the next. He is constantly forgetting and forgiving my faults (Jeremiah 31:34b) and sending them to deepest parts of the sea (Micah 7:19).


Why is it so hard for us to  forgive and forget? 


Psalm 108:8-12: The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his  anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.


So if I want to be like my Jesus then I need to:

• Be slow to anger
• Be merciful
• Be gracious
• Not deal with others according to how they have wronged me
• Not be revengeful
• Love

Now that is a tall order. One step at a time. 


Every moment is a profound opportunity. Each moment is new, just because we screwed up the last one doesn't mean we have to or will on the next one. 


So what do I do with my anger? Drop it, it's pointless. It is hurting my relationships and it is hurting me. How I feel and respond is my personal choice, always.


God loves you. He has this gift of mercy and love, if you want to talk to someone about it, I am here! It is pretty fantastic! You are going to want to know about it.


God Bless!