Harboring Hatred

Sometimes I think we get really good at pretending we are okay or masking the need for  forgiveness.


I will be the first to admit that I suppress my emotions instead of dealing with them right away. In the end, the only person it is hurting is myself. I build up these deep, embedded feelings that I don't realize I have until another incident occurs. Then I realize how much pain I actually feel from everything in the past. 


I need to let go. I need to  forgive. Why must I  forgive ? So I can heal. Like I said, it is only hurting myself.


The thing that is cool I think, is that God completely understands my anger. No, it doesn't make it okay. But He understands. I think sometimes we have a hard time actually thinking we can relate to God. I know I do. I believe that my God is angry. (Isaiah 66:15-16; Hebrews 12:29) 


When He does tolerate evil it is because He sees that good can come from it. (see Genesis 50:20) 


He takes no pleasure when people are deemed to hell (Ezekiel 18:21). He is patient and merciful now, but there will be a judgement day- no one is getting away with anything. (Zephaniah 2:3) I think that will be a bittersweet day for Him. He will have to see some of His children depart from Him, yet He will get to rejoice with His new heavenly accompaniments. (Romans 11:22)


So, what am I to do right now?


Be merciful. Like my God is with me right this moment and the next. He is constantly forgetting and forgiving my faults (Jeremiah 31:34b) and sending them to deepest parts of the sea (Micah 7:19).


Why is it so hard for us to  forgive and forget? 


Psalm 108:8-12: The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his  anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.


So if I want to be like my Jesus then I need to:

• Be slow to anger
• Be merciful
• Be gracious
• Not deal with others according to how they have wronged me
• Not be revengeful
• Love

Now that is a tall order. One step at a time. 


Every moment is a profound opportunity. Each moment is new, just because we screwed up the last one doesn't mean we have to or will on the next one. 


So what do I do with my anger? Drop it, it's pointless. It is hurting my relationships and it is hurting me. How I feel and respond is my personal choice, always.


God loves you. He has this gift of mercy and love, if you want to talk to someone about it, I am here! It is pretty fantastic! You are going to want to know about it.


God Bless!

Numb

I apologize to my readers if they read my post "Meltdowns." I was mistaken or at least have had a light bulb moment.

I said that sometimes I have a hard time hearing God and I even listed a quote...
"When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always quiet during test."


ERRR! Wrong.

God is always speaking. He is always here. He is always there.

He is relentless. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC0WoJfYA2E) << Great song! :)

The problem is I just sometimes don't know how to listen. Or sometimes I just don't listen. We have always come across the moments when we defy our parents or pretend we didn't just hear them. Well I think I have the same problem with my Father in heaven too. I just stop listening or convince myself that He is just being quiet. I am just numb. 

The Bible clearly states that He is always here:

Matthew 28:20 "Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Acts 18:10 "For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city,"
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you god."
Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

He is always speaking:

Romans 10:17 "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ."
Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."
2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness"
John 10:27-28 "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand."
John 1:1 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

So if God is always with us and is always speaking- then who am I to say that He is quiet during my trials.

Shame on me.

He never left me. My heart just hardens.

I am learning how to find my quiet time, in a quiet way. In my room, usually before bed because I can devote my mind and heart to Him rather than worrying about everything that day. I try to start my day with a Bible verse from my devotional book to set the tone for the day. However, my actual quiet time is at night. No more excuses- my days just aren't the same without even the slightest bit of quiet time with Him. I need Him. I am dependent on Him.

I encourage you to find a time to "be still in the presence of the Lord." (Psalm 37:7) He always knows exactly what we need, even when we don't. Open up the Bible. Pray. Just be with Him. He is your Daddy after all. :)

Have a blessed weekend. :)

He rejoices over you

I have learned a great deal about myself within the last few days. I think it started at a CSF message. Kyle mentioned Zephaniah 3:17, I believe. Basically what got my attention was that God, yes God, rejoices over me (and you :]). Dude! I was mind blown, still am. I rejoice over Him. Why would He ever rejoice over me? In my own eyes I just don't see anything that special about me for Him to rejoice over.


It made me start to think that for many years I have had this underlying desire for someone (or people) to be proud of me. Reflecting on that, it is convicting that I have so desperately wanted this evil world's appreciation. Shame on me. My joy should not come from this world, even though it does from time to time. Jesus is my joy. He saved my life. He saves me daily.


I never viewed myself as having low self-confidence. I have good self-esteem. As I dig deeper into who I am, I am starting to realize that I am lacking confidence within myself. It might be a typical woman thing. To feel beautiful and wonderful to someone, is just about what any woman wants. The spectacular thing is that God made me beautiful, He made me wonderful. (Psalm 139:14) It might be something from past relationships- where I was ripped to shreds just because I wasn't everything they desired. I have been known to change who I think I am, just to make others happy. For whatever reason, I think it is the solution. However, it is oh so temporary. It might be that I have been emotionally torn up for other various reasons.


Satan is simply evil.


He is the one that makes me think I need someone to notice me. I don't. He makes me think that I need to please others. I only need to pleasing my Lord. He makes me think that I am terrible person. God thinks I am great.


I just don't know how to comprehend that.


My only trouble is that I don't know how to change this attitude of constantly needing someone to be proud of me. I overcame denial. Now what?


Who I am is currently be uncovered... one moment please.

Good God vs. Evil

I have been listening to the song Truth by Lecrae a lot recently. I recommend you to, too. I feel that he did an excellent job explaining the subject line indicated here. Why is there so much evil in this world when we have such a good God? 

The idea that I am coming to realize that God doesn't necessarily exist in both worlds. Yes, He created everything, He made a beautiful world. However, this evil world does not know God. {{1 John 3:1}} We must go out and share the gospel. {{1 Timothy 2:4}} But our God lives in a world where there is no evil. This world is full of evil. He lives in my heart and in lives in the hearts of those who have accepted His gift. Yes, we do evil from time to time. Just because we are Christian, doesn't make us perfect. I accept it daily that I suck. Plain and simple. The Holy Spirit in me is the only reason I do good (good: behavior for His glory).


Anywhooos:

As Lecrae put it:

"But then some say 'How can God exist when

all this evil stuff in the world keep persistin'?'

Wrong question. Ask again.

'How come God ain't let you feel the wrath from sin?'"

"Some people say that God ain't real 'cause they don't see how a good God can exist with all this evil in the world. If God is real then He should stop all this evil, 'cause He's all-powerful right? What is evil though man? It's anything that's against God. It's anything morally bad or wrong. It's murder, rape, stealing, lying, cheating. But if we ant God to stop evil, do we

want Him to stop it all or just a little bit of it? If he stops us from doing evil things, what about lying, or what about our evil thoughts? I mean, where do you stop, the murder level, the lying level, or the thinking level? If we ant Him to stop evil, we gotta be consistent, we can't just pick and choose. That means you and I would be eliminated right? Because we think evil stuff. If that's true, we should be eliminated! But thanks be to God that Jesus stepped in to save us from our sin! Christ died for all evilness! Repent, turn to Jesus man!"

I just, "Woah."

The truth of the matter is, when you have Jesus, evil has been conquered. It's something that no longer has a grip on you. Christ crushed Satan, the Pizza Hut delivery boy of evil. Don't let Satan run your life. Christ won, don't be confused that God just lets evil happen. Our God is not just a good God, He is a great God. Remember we do have a free will. Life is based on our choices.

We have no reason to whine. {{Philippians 2:14}}

We have no reason to complain. {{Philippians 2:14}}

We have no reason to seek revenge. {{Romans 12:19}}

We have no reason to wallow in our failures. {{1 John 1:9; Luke 5:1-39}}

We have no reason to be saddened. {{1 Thessalonians 5:16}}

We have no reason to be frightened. {{Joshua 1:9; Psalm 23:4}}

However, we do get trapped in these emotions. We are still human and we are still slaves to sin. The turning point is when we turn our back on sin so that it no longer determines our fate. Live a life with God, it is way cooler. He is waiting for you to come to Him. 

Meltdowns

Some days I just crumble from this life of pressure and stress. I feel like an ice cube... I am just so strong most days and in the right environment. However, once I am out of my element I just... well... melt. I don't feel like myself and I don't serve my purpose in life during my meltdowns. 


Sometimes I just need to fall apart. It is how I comprehend my weakness so I can rest in the arms of my God of power and strength. It is so relaxing to imagine just being in His arms. I am safe.


The difference between an ice cube and myself is when I return to my state of purpose and "un-meltedness," I am stronger. I learned something. 


We all need to face trials and tribulations in our life. It comes with the package/territory/contract of having this life. God never said it was going to be easy. He never said it was going to be painless. If anything, being a Christian makes living in this world that much harder. He never gives us anything we can't handle. And He never gives us anything expecting us to do it on our own. He is with us. 


He is so wonderful, isn't He?!


This week has been hard and I felt that God has been quiet. I still feel His power and I still feel at peace when I pray and trust in Him. However, I just haven't heard Him speaking to me. It just sucks sometimes because I so desperately need Him on weeks like these. He is here, He never left, just a quiet 'lil bugger.


Makes me think of a quote I once read:
"When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always quiet during a test."

So ya, I have a meltdown every now and again. I just must always remember that I can always rest in the power and strength in my God. I am strong, only because I am no longer me. He lives in me now.

Boom. :P