Weight of the world

Welp, today was a long day. They happen from time to time. I think I have started a pact with myself that I will never have a bad day. No day is truly bad as it is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24).


Sure a lot happened. I had to file a formal report with the college today. One of my best friends has been having a hard time and I do everything I can to be there for her. I pray for her daily- for her healing, for her joy, for her in general. I found out another one of my friends had a miscarriage today. I was stuck in the Student Center on campus from 11:00am-4:00pm tutoring with a 30min break for lunch. Students were so needy today. Which I am absolutely overjoyed that they are coming to get the help they need. Sometimes they just come on the strangest days- when I am already feeling overwhelmed. What kills me though is how every student that comes to see me has some level of pain or stress with the material that shouldn't be there. I empathize easily and try all the techniques I have to calm them down and help them feel confident again. My boyfriend is about 200 miles away and on days like these all I want is a hug at the end of the day. I don't just distribute hugs to anybody... so its not like just anybody can hug me. He gave me a teddy which kind of does the trick... well... bears don't exactly hug back. When he has a hard day too, all I want is to be there for him. GAHHHH!!!!


All of this piles and piles until at the end of the day where I can look back at everything and be like "Dangggg, what a day!"


Suddenly, I realized, today was nothing. My Jesus carried the weight of the world on His shoulders some 2000 years ago. I know I suck and screw up ALL the time. There are about 6.8 billion screw ups walking around the face of the earth right now. He didn't just die for us, He died for EVERY, SINGLE person that ever breathed. DANG! I couldn't imagine how heavy that cross and that burden was as He was carrying it to Calvary. The idea just slaps me in the face, just when I think for a second about complaining about my day.


He is such an over-achiever, not only did He die for me. He took the extra step and made sure that I could spend the rest of my life with Him. Way cooler than any wedding vow. Seriously, God was like for better or for worse- she is mine! (sighs) Wow! That is love. I don't even know how to love like that. I could try and try my whole life and could never be that good.


(Side note: I love the image of Satan when I think about His crucifixion and resurrection. "Crap! Now what?!" To Satan: "You lost sucker!" Death has no hold on me. Sin- psssh ya it exists, but my God defeated it.)


Being like Jesus sometimes is completely unfathomable to me. Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, ha, cha right. 


I shall end this stressful day, rejoicing that my Father is my Savior. He made today- obviously it went well. He was in charge. :P


God bless y'all!

Who I was

I have gone through a change recently that has made me realize that I am no longer myself. It is hard believe how far I have come and overwhelming to think of how far I have yet to go. I know that when I was little girl I was saved, but I don't feel that I was truly saved until recently. Yaaa, I talked a good talk and walked a good walk, but something within myself hadn't changed yet. There was no true fire. Sure I worked at summer camp for many years and introduced many little boys and girls to Christ and showed them what it means to be loved. The truth is, there is so much more to it than that. I have loved my Father since I could remember, I just don't think I ever truly let Him love me. 


So, this is my next step to help me not feel so overwhelmed. I am going to start blogging about the change that is happening within me or the change that has happened. I tried journaling, but my hand got sore :P And I feel that God wants me to blog. Maybe there is someone else out there that needs to hear about what I am going through and know that they aren't alone or aren't the only ones that struggle in a certain way. Maybe it was Pastor Troy's words on Sunday that reminded me that we must confess our sins to one another and pray for one another. So be praying for me, as I will be praying for you. Another reason for this blogging shenagians its that I need to document my growth, so I can look back and see how far I have come. I am hard on myself sometimes and don't always realize how much I have learned or grown. Hopefully this helps.


There are a lot of lessons that my mind has learned, but few that my heart has learned. So this is my journey. First lesson my heart has learned, I am not in this alone. I cannot change on my own. I am weak, and it only makes me realize how much I need my Savior's strength. So y'all can stop telling my I am so strong. I may only appear strong because you can see the Holy Spirit holding me up. I am indeed a work in progress. My growth at times will not be easy or pleasant, but like I said, I am not in this alone. 


I am so blessed by the wonderful people God has place in my life. I wouldn't be where I am today without His workers. I love you all.


In sum,
I was me. Now, I am trying to figure out what it means to be like my Jesus.
{{ It is no longer I that lives, but Christ that lives in me (Gal 2:20). }}