As you may know, this summer I went through quite the healing process. It was difficult, but the results have been magnificent. I haven't felt such joy and love in so long. I feel like a free spirit. God has been romancing me the whole time- I have just been blind to it.
However, in this post, I don't necessarily want to the stress healing I have experienced, but more so the wounds and the messages that came with certain events.
Every woman and little girl is haunted by a Question, "Am I lovely?"
I know that I am still haunted by this Question- even when I know the "Sunday School answer." It is a constant battle that I fight against my flesh and Satan.
Women also have this lingering fear of abandonment. I know that I do. I have been abandoned many times and I am sure I will be abandoned in the future. Now, I am not necessarily referring to men. I have been abandoned by friends too.
Women are relational to the core. When one asks a woman how she is doing, almost always her emotions are tied to a certain individual or situation involving people. There is nothing wrong with that. (God is relational.)
Messages that I have been convinced by over the years (fyi: I know these are lies, I still fight some of them from time to time. I know what is true):
- "You're a b****, no man will ever love you."
- "Brains with no beauty."
- "Don't speak."
- "No man will ever be able to handle you."
- "You are too much."
- "You are a bother."
- "The problem is me."
- "If you were her, you would have been good enough."
- "Now everyone thinks you are the problem girl."
------------update as of 10/12
He truly is relentless. Worst heartbreak ever. I am head strong with the Word of God. It is keeping me from crying. I cried just about everyday for 5/6 days. I just had to be the one that sought after the Lord. So if you are struggling, you have to go to Him, He is there waiting. My heart is not strong again yet, but one day through healing, it just might be the strongest it has ever been. I am so done getting my heartbroken like that anymore though. Ugh. One day at a time. I must remember to hold onto what is being held out, the healing hand of God.
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If you are reading this and are a woman, I challenge you to think about how your Question (Am I lovely?) has been answered in your life. Think about the messages that were sent during situations and relationships. Are you convinced by any lies? Take them to the Healer. It isn't an overnight fix. But He can absolutely heal your heart. He did mine. He still is. I am a work in progress. Think about what things in your life you are hiding behind in order to keep from dealing with your hurt/pain. I tend to hide behind work/school/busyness. Others hide behind food, alcohol, working out, etc.
If you are reading this and are a man, I challenge you pray for the women in your life. It's a jungle out there for both genders. Women are attacked differently than men- I encourage you to embrace the women around you. Remember that she too is made in the image of God. She is beautiful, inside and out.
Since God is my Savior and my Healer and my source of joy- I know that the lies I had been convinced of no longer hold me captive. I have the Holy Spirit living and me- there is no holding back anymore. I am free. I am beautiful. I. Am. Lovely. Through the love of Jesus Christ, I am complete. When God looks at me, He sees Christ. Why would I be convinced of anything less?
